Affirmative

The Anti-Netflixist Manifesto

We are living in the midst of a revolution. A common division observed throughout history under these circumstances is the separation between the dissenters fighting for a better world, and the oppressors in power. For too long, we have accepted the tyranny of this mighty foe, allowing subjugation to become a standard rather than a concept of the past. It is time that we all rise up and vanquish this terrible enemy so that order can be restored to our lives. This enemy, of course, is Netflix. 

In the past few years, as networks have pulled their content from Netflix to start their own streaming services, Netflixists have risen up on social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram to protest this challenge of power. They argue that having so many streaming services is sending us back to the era of cable television, and that it would be easier to just have one mega-streaming-service. Netflix has brainwashed its most loyal users to become so enchanted by its services that they turn against any opposition. Their flaw is the failure to acknowledge that Disney, Youtube, and NBC, and others like them, aren’t the enemies, they’re taking back what’s rightfully theirs. By taking their own content from Netflix, they have made it abundantly clear that entertainment options are so much more than just Netflix originals.

This copiousness of services provides a plethora of options for all sorts of people. In the past, parents have worried about allowing their children to watch shows, reasonably concerned that the little ones may unintentionally switch from watching Boss Baby to Ted Bundy. They can simply turn on Disney+ and go back to scrolling through Facebook to the sounds of giggling children paired with the vaguely irritating theme song to Doc McStuffins. This abundance of streaming services finally bestows upon each of us the opportunity to find media that is catered to our individual needs while cutting out content that we wouldn’t otherwise pay for. 

In the words of our dear friend, Karl Marx, “the Anti-Netflixists disdain to conceal our views and aims. We openly declare that our ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of the single-streaming-service system. Let Netflix tremble at this glorious revolution. We have nothing to lose but our free time. We have a world to win.”

Opposition

*Too Many* Streaming Services

I think choice is overrated. 

I say that knowing I make bad choices and will continue to make them. I’m too stubborn when it comes to my decisions. Yes, I know that they’re not good. But it was my decision. No one else can take that from me. 

So when I choose to watch Tall Girl on Netflix, I’m not going to back away from it. I will sit through all of it. I will stand by my decision to watch this film, even if it means that I have to subject myself to a white woman’s insecurity surging every time someone asks her “How’s the weather up there?”. I will watch the entire movie, and report to the world its worthlessness. 

But by the time I go through yet another awful Netflix original, I’ve actually begun to question my decision making abilities. 

Obviously, I am at no fault for choosing to watch critically panned movies. Instead, the issue is just that Netflix doesn’t have a strong enough focus on creating genuinely interesting programming; emphasizing quantity over quality. 

Which is why it’s even more frustrating that so much great television and film is not on Netflix as a result of other corporations keeping their properties to themselves. They’re stripping the streaming service I primarily use of the content I so desperately desire.  

Yes, it is a little odd that I am actually advocating for Netflix to hold a monopoly over the video streaming market, but I need to watch The Favourite to remind myself of the farcical nature of the upper class which in turn tricks me into believing I’m definitely better than some people, but it’s on HBO Now. I need to watch Community to remember the value of tight-knit friendship to make it seem like it’s okay for me to be closed off and secure in my small friend group who will disseminate after high school is over, but it’s on Hulu. I need to watch Aladdin to see brown people on screen, no matter how troublesome the Anglicized features of Aladdin and Jasmine are, but it’s on Disney+. I get that there should be competition in the market, but I can’t  subscribe to all these different streaming services. 

Instead I’m just stuck with Netflix, the supposed father of all streaming services in terms of magnitude and variety. While “Just Watch” indicates that there are 5,267 titles on Netflix,  roughly 4,000 are Adam Sandler Netflix Originals. I don’t want to watch that, and neither does anyone else. 

There is one solution to not being able to find the media I desire, however: piracy. Unfortunately, piracy compromises my morals and I have no interest in partaking in it, due to its status as a crime. But I need all that content. The real world is so much more boring, and the escapism movies give me is unmatched by… everything. So, I’m sorry Jack Black, but I have just pirated Kung Fu Panda 2. It was my only option.