Full disclosure: Neither Oishii Basu nor Charlene Wu are tech fanatics. However they will go to war over the defense of the life-altering software endearingly known as Memoji. They are Asian teens that mean business.

In June of 2018 Apple Inc. released a feature that had the greatest potential to disrupt the intricacies of reality: Memoji. With iOS 12 and new biometric scanners, Apple had created a silly little program to analyze one’s real-time facial expressions and apply them to their beloved emojis or user-curated avatars. The still photos of these may seem like a lackluster Bitmoji, however the potential of Memoji as a video software had completely been overlooked. Memoji videos are what should have, and will, change the American economy.

Memoji is wildly unpopular for the amount of innovation it presents to the masses. It’s often taboo to present yourself as the World’s Roundest Pig in this day and age but we ask you to let go of whatever Peter Porker Shame you’re harboring. Us Asian teens, we beg, why are you letting the public-hive-mind control your civil liberties? Memoji is by a collection of conniving billionaire corporate bigots but ultimately, for the people. And what is that if not patriotic? If “America” is so truly for freedom then why are you limiting your own self-expression?

The religious act of seeing oneself recite Gossip Girl lines as a panda bear is too unfamiliar to the uneducated public (See Exhibit A.) This must change. Memoji provides a necessary entertainment to the masses. Would you or would you not watch Skins as retold by the world’s silliest chicken with the tiniest triangle tongue? 

Time and time again, teenage girls are setting trends. You can trace it back to Beatlemania. So, at this point, why are you resisting? Memoji livens up the once-dry conversation. Transcending the confines of stuffy text and unreasonably difficult voice notes, it takes the best of both worlds by hiding your physical appearance while also maintaining your facial expressions and much needed body language context, all via an animated emotive masterpiece! One could watch the playback of a Memoji video for hours on end, to which we can testify: we have done so on many occasions. We may have a god complex but we are not ashamed. The painful observance of giant block text messages could be eradicated, with the new implementation of 30-second videos incorporating one’s long dramatic inner monologue spoken from an animated pig.

The current climate of iMessage is outdated, inefficient and bland. How can we go on as a society prolonging this term of misery? Of unresponsive blocks of blue text bubbles? Of constant messages left on “read?” You are better than this, and you know it. You deserve better. 

Now is the time for conversion– a conversion for superior conversation. Join us. Join Memoji.