In the wake of a groundbreaking decision to remove all semester-long classes from the Enloe schedule, our administrators have posted a few updates to the course list for the 2022-23 school year. For your peace of mind, the Eagle’s Eye has compiled a complete list of these new courses with detailed explanations, providing a digestible guide for all Eagle Scholars. 

• Magnet Nesting Day (Standard/Honors/AP): Scholars, your wildest dreams have come true. Enloe is adding a free period open to all students! Students taking this course will sit in a freezing cold classroom for 80 minutes a day and are expected to complete all homework assignments from other classes by the end of class. “The goal of this class is we want to see NO zeroes in PowerSchool. Zip, Zero, Zilch, baby!” says instructor Vivian Njoroge. 

• Magnet Religious Studies: GAGA – a multi-sectional course taught by Mr. Shuford that teaches students the history of the buried theology that embodies Lady Gaga,  emphasizing systematic, historically based, and cross-cultural perspectives of everything Gaga and below. This course gives students the opportunity to have intellectual discussions with peers about the sociology of Fame, the social and economic impacts of Poker Face, and syncretism in the world of Gaga. “Most students don’t expect me to be a Lady Gaga fan, but I can say wholeheartedly that I am the biggest Little Monster I know. This course will prepare you for the real world.” -Mr. Shuford
• Magnet Pickling II: Unlike its prerequisite, Pickling I, students enrolled in this course will learn the finer aspects of vegetable fermentation. By the end of the year, they will be allowed to bring home their very own jars of olives and pickles and enjoy a field trip to Mount Olive. “My thoughts are that olives are love. Olives are life. Olives are all that are good and holy. The founding fathers created America so that we may mass-produce olives. I am so incredibly blessed to live my life on this blessed mountain. Praise be to Mt. Olive. Praise to be olives. Amen.” -Jeffrey Wang, Olive Devourer. 
• Parking (standard only): Have you ever been involved in minor driving infractions including but not limited to fender benders, door dings, or hit and runs? Have any of these occurred in The Nest? This mandatory course is open to all teenaged bad drivers that are interested in learning proper driving etiquette, vehicular anatomy, and how to navigate Enloe Magnet High School’s cramped parking lots. 
• Cream Cheese Making III: The Wake County Public School System agreed in a unanimous vote that further generations will need to get an education in domestic traditions due to the current national cream cheese crisis. (For further information see America and the Great Cream Cheese Debacle at enloenews.org) Eagle scholars will revert back to their ancestral hunter/gatherer instincts for this hands-on, action-packed course. 
• AP Vanishing: Sleight of Hand and Other Magic Tricks – an educational course that provides students with the required knowledge and skills to major in the second college-level-course of Prestidigitation and Deception 101, as well as forming meaningful relationships with other like-minded individuals, whom all share an interest in being the kid no one wants to be friends with.   

• Magnet Muppetry: It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights! Geared towards aspiring ventriloquists and muppeteers, this course will keep a focus on the fine art of muppetry. By the end of the year, students will learn how to perfect their Miss Piggy and Kermit accents, create fake vomit out of colorful yarn, and hopefully participate in the National High School Muppet Competition in Smalltown, USA. “In order to be a competitive employee in today’s 21st century job market, muppeteering is not only a key resume builder, but an experience that will provide lifelong success, fulfillment, and expertise,” said expert muppeteer, Kristin Nagy.
• AP 3D Art: Gaga – It appears that the College Board has added their own little monster to the faculty!  In this Advanced Placement course, students will explore their creative side in any medium they’d like. In lieu of an end-of-year exam, students will create their very own Lady Gaga wax figure to be featured in a scholar showcase at the Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. 

• AP Bus Driving – In wake of mass bus driver shortages, WCPSS has implemented this new course into schools county-wide. Students enrolled in AP Bus driving are prepared for a future as a WCPSS bus driver. Those who score a 3 or higher on the AP Bus Driving exam will immediately be required to take a job as a Wake County bus driver. All new bus drivers will be paid in school cafeteria lunch vouchers. “I took it as an easy AP credit to help my GPA,” says one Enloe student. “How do you feel about being a bus driver if you pass the exams?” asked an Eagle’s Eye reporter, who received a confused look and the response, “What?”