They Dont – By Louis Huler

Girls do not poop. The fact that I even have to make this article is disappointing. The idea that something as disgusting as pooping is practiced by the average woman is preposterous. And I’m here to tell you, the reader, why.

Do you have any idea of the statistics of trips to the bathroom? The average man poops once a week and loses over 15 pounds in the process. Most women don’t even WEIGH 15 pounds. How could they possibly lose that much on a weekly basis? 

Have you ever been into a women’s bathroom? Well, I have. When I was 13 I went into the girls bathroom at the science museum accidentally. And let me tell you, everything you think you know about it is a lie. There’s no toilets, because girls don’t use the bathroom. There’s a plastic slide in the middle of an empty room, and women climb up, slide down, and then leave. They don’t even wash their hands. 

If that’s not enough to convince you, try thinking about it logically. Going number 2 is disgusting. We aren’t in kindergarten anymore- I think we are all mature enough to know that girls don’t have “cooties” and aren’t “gross.” So why would they ever do something so sickening?

They Do – By Praghna Hemadri

Ok, but why do people think we don’t poop? Here I am, a girl, in high school, making articles about pooping, I am definitely not “mature.” So, believe it or not, we poop. We’re humans and all humans poop. If we didn’t poop and remove all of the waste from our body, we would weigh a hundred tons. And if you didn’t realize already, girls apparently weigh “15 pounds.”

To justify my case, I present evidence before you:

Eagle’s Eye’s very own Dae Borg and Maya Spencer’s playlist: I Pooped In Your Bed. 

How could two girls make a whole playlist about pooping in your bed, if they didn’t poop at all?

 The very first song in the playlist is called I Pooped! by the Auraganix Kids. The song doesn’t mention where or when they did the doo doo, but they definitely did it! 

Also, to strengthen my argument, here are some quotes from real females. An Enloe sophomore says, “If you’ve ever walked into a girls’ bathroom, you would see glitter on the toilet seats, so we poop.” Another girl, who’d like to go by the pseudonym, Making A. Brown says, “When we go to the doctor’s office and they ask for a stool sample, we actually poop out stools. We poop.” 

As you read above, clearly females say we do indeed poop; however, as shown in the quotes above, it’s a little different than normal. If you’ve ever been inside of a girls’ bathroom, the floor is glittery. But, here’s the twist, it’s glitter that only girls can see. The glitter produced from our bodies is not visible to the regular eye.

I will confirm, all of these claims are true and not fabricated, especially the glitter. I think I speak for every girl in the world when I say girls do poop!