On the morning of November 25, 2024, two turkeys, Christopher LeBlanc and Trudy Price O’Neil, were chosen by President Biden as finalists for this year’s annual Thanksgiving turkey pardon. The National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation is a ceremony that takes place at the White House every year, shortly before Thanksgiving. John Zimmerman, chair of the National Federation of Turkeys (NFT), chooses two finalists to be spared from a Thanksgiving dinner.
LeBlanc, the male finalist, was last seen at noon in his room with Sir Jeffrey Fuss, the best turkey boxer in the world, at the Willard InterClucktinental Washington Hotel in Washington. Price, the female finalist, was also in her room at the hotel, last seen at 3 PM by Lady Jackie Jordan, principal of Cluckington High. Reports of the fight began at The White House on the evening of November 27, the day before Thanksgiving, by members of the hotel staff and a handful of guests.
The turkeys were left to eat and rest before the evening festivities. Little did President Biden and NFT Chairman John Zimmerman know, both turkeys wanted to be chosen more than anything. After a relaxing evening of preening and beautifying the turkeys, authorities left them to their own devices.
However, reports at around 4 PM from hotel staff members and many disturbed guests state screaming was heard coming from the 4th floor of the hotel. Many of the staff members and guests initially assumed it was simply a heated political debate or a tense family reunion due to holiday stress. The situation quickly escalated when hotel security burst into the room only to find an intense gobble squabble of feathers and talons clashing about in a showdown worthy of a WWE event.
“It was utter chaos,” reported Lord Stephen Green, a close friend of LeBlanc’s, and a guest residing at the hotel at the time of the event. “They were squawking insults at each other like nothing I’ve ever heard before!”
By the time President Biden and NFT Chairman John Zimmerman arrived at the scene, LeBlanc and Price were perched on opposite ends of the room with eyes locked in a death stare. Biden reportedly attempted to negotiate peace but to no avail. Each turkey remained stubborn and arrogant, making the case that they deserved to be chosen. The president was also rumored to offer a ‘double pardon’, something that had historically never been done before.
“I’d rather face the roasting pan than share the spotlight with this drumstick dud!” exclaimed Price.
LeBlanc clucked in outrage. “That’s why you’re all gobble, no substance. At least I won’t be served for Thanksgiving dinner!”
Before Price could lunge at LeBlanc for the insult, Zimmerman held her back just in time. Biden shook his head in disappointment, but he knew he had to go ahead with the double pardon. He would do everything in his power to prove the turkeys wrong.
Thus, as the event was live-streamed, LeBlanc and Price O’Neil reluctantly shook feathers as they stood in front of the cameras as the new 2024 American Thanksgiving icons. Upon the conclusion of this feud, the White House immediately implemented a new set of federal policies to prevent future “unsanctioned turkey brawls”.
