WHAM’s Last Christmas. The unofficial anthem of the holiday season. On these holy, snowy weeks, you can’t enter a store, turn on the radio, or doomscroll on any app without the voice of George Michael hitting your ears with a tale of holiday longing. Whether you love it or hate it, Last Christmas is inescapable. Try as you might, wherever you listen to the music of Christmastide, you will be WHAMed.
But what happens if you don’t try to avoid it? What if you take on an arguably reckless challenge to push the limits of your mental stability with the spirit of Last Christmas? That would be crazy. Totally crazy…
Or would it?
Welcome to CaWHAMity, Minty Parker and Ishani Oldham’s Christmas experiment where we attempt to consume as much of WHAM’s Last Christmas as our collective sanity can take.
Here are the rules:
- NO COVERS. Only WHAM’s version counts to your total
- Follow the schedule:
- Day of the month = required cumulative WHAM listens between Ishani and Minty
That’s pretty much it. Now that you, dear reader, understand the tenets of CaWHAMity, come with us on our journey through the mental torment and musical agony throughout the month of December.
Day 1, December 4th, 2024
Ishani Oldham
As we embark on this potentially treacherous journey, I want to make it known that I actually really do not like this song. It is arguably one of my least favorite songs to hear playing in the store during the holidays, and I very rarely choose to play it on my own. Unfortunately, I’ve decided to listen to it far too many times. We’re doing 5 each today since Minty and I didn’t think of this until 4 days into the month.
Day 2, December 5th, 2024
Minty Parker
I feel mostly fine about my seven Last Christmases. I really, really like this song. I’m never gonna get sick of this!
Day 3, December 6th, 2024
Ishani Oldham
This has yet to become terrible, but it is becoming a chore. I don’t even like this song that much and I have no idea why I agreed to this. It’s literally my birthday and I am going through Last Christmas. Crazy.
Day 4, December 7th, 2024
Minty Parker
I think 14 is a pretty normal amount of times to listen to a song in a week. Ultimately. That’s only twice per day. This isn’t nearly as hard as it seems.
Day 5, December 8th, 2024
Ishani Oldham
So I hate this. Everyone I know hates this. It is all I can talk about. All I can THINK about. I deeply believe that this is burning bridges in my life and searing off a layer of my brain, but my mental fortitude is stronger and I refuse to quit.
Day 6, December 9th, 2024
Minty Parker
It’s starting to get a little old. Only a little bit. Like, every other minute is awful.
Day 7, December 10th, 2024
Ishani Oldham
I’ve taken to using The Smiths as a palate cleanser between Last Christmas-es. This says something truly terrible about my mental state.
Day 8, December 11th, 2024
Minty Parker
While Ishani is listening to The Smiths as a palette cleanser, I’m listening to ABBA in between the Christmas ear punches. This is because even though my sanity is slowly crumbling and I’ve developed an eye twitch, this experiment hasn’t affected my whimsical and pure spirit, nor my love for disco.
Day 9, December 12th, 2024
Ishani Oldham
These lyrics are more deep than people are willing to admit. Once you listen to it 39 times you vividly start to understand the singer’s pain. It’s like I’m in a crowded room, with my friends with tired eyes. It’s like I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye. It’s incredible! Either that or I’ve started hallucinating.
Day 10, December 13th, 2024
Minty Parker
I’m starting to become one with the Christmas Spirit. Nothing is as natural to me as listening to Last Christmas… it will continue eternally… is this how monks feel? Am I experiencing divine revelation? Is George Michael Disco Jesus? Much to think about.
Day 11, December 14th, 2024
Ishani Oldham
I hate disco. I hate disco so much. I actually started crying when I had to listen to this today. Is it normal to cry to disco?
Day 12, December 15th, 2024
Minty Parker
I lied. I’m not receiving divine visions. This is a CIA torture method, and the Wham!ture (Wham! rapture) isn’t happening anytime soon.
Day 13, December 16th, 2024
Ishani OldWHAM
Who signed off on this song being so long??? I am giving away hours of my time to this stupid project. Why are we doing this again?
Day 14, December 17th, 2024
Minty Parker
Today is Enloe Charity Ball. What did I listen to while getting ready? Last Christmas. Seven times. I better not hear a single jingle bell at that dance.
Day 15, December 18th, 2024
Ishani OldWHAM
George Micheal is laughing down at me. I can hear him in the lyrics of this infernal song.
Day 16, December 19th, 2024
Chrisminty Parker
I am going to lose it.
Day 17, December 20th, 2024
Ishani OldWHAM
What is music, when one thinks about it? Is it a collection of noises, is it an enjoyable expression of human emotion, is it art, is it talent? NO. It is the torturous voice of George Micheal. It is Last Christmas. Last Christmas is the only song of all time. I can’t remember any other tune, any other melody, any other lyrics. I will never appreciate “music” again. Listening to songs is equivalent to the murder of my ears and soul. I’m deleting my streaming apps. I am becoming a hermit. I must become free from George Micheal. I must become free…
Day 18, December 21st, 2024
Last Chrisminty
I have found it. I am experiencing the secret 6th stage of grief: Wham! That’s it. Wham! is all there is. I’m more chill than the outdoor air now.
Day 19, December 22nd, 2024
Ishani OldWHAM
I have to suck it up. It is one disco pop holiday song by one gay guy and one not gay guy. I can do this. I must do this. For Journalism.
Day 20, December 23rd, 2024
Last Chrisminty
ONE! MORE! DAY!
Day 21, December 24th, 2024
George Micheal and Andrew Ridgeley
Christmastime is about two things: consumerism and hope. We have found both in this perfect experiment:
- Extreme consumption of WHAM!
- Hope that if we can survive this, anything can be survived.
Our final reflections are as follows:
NO ONE SHOULD EVER DO THIS. WE SHOULD BE THE LAST PEOPLE ON EARTH TO ATTEMPT THIS CHALLENGE. PROTECT YOUR SANITY. PLEASE FOR YOUR SAKE AND OURS.
Thank you for following our idiotic show of pure determination and disregard for our own mental health. We will now be taking a respite from music with any disco vibes or references to the Christmas prior to this one.
We wish each of you Happy Holdiays, and a very WHAM-free New Year.
