The Enloe bathrooms – magical places with vast purposes. Are you trying to play Block Blast but your classroom phone pie chart is on red? Do you need to sulk and cry for a bit? Forgot to annotate your book and want to look at the writing on the stall walls for insight? Or, hear me out, do you even just need to pee? ~The bathrooms are there for YOU~ 

The bathrooms are truly what you make of them, and just like with buying a house, your property must be inspected. Luckily, you will not have to flag down an Enloe handyman as he dodges children while driving across the Breezeway during a class change in order to get a professional take on the bathrooms you are considering using. That’s what we’re here for! Join us in this objective, incredible review of what can only be considered the few private oases of the vast and brutal Eagle desert.

In order to be the most comprehensive guide in the Nest, we will be ranking the best and worst bathrooms (plus any honorable mentions) in each of 3 categories: Utility, Design, and Vibes. And most importantly, at the end of this article, we will conclude by naming the bathroom crowning jewel (or JUUL if you’re in the 1200s) of Enloe High School.

Utility:

BEST: 2200s

When you can’t tell which way is right or left in the 2200s hall riddled with IB and AP gloom, this bathroom is your guiding light. With the 2200s hallway being one of the most niche in the school, its accompanying bathroom is often clean with very little foot traffic. It is generally a loo-vely place all around, a much needed escape after failing your calc test, but what truly adorns it is its convenience and utility. This bathroom has a whopping 6 stalls, a huge AC unit to leave your pass on, and a full sized mirror, conveniently placed in front of the door for last- minute touch-ups before you head back to class.

WORST: WGL

The West Gym Lobby bathroom is the Sew-ez Canal of Enloe High School, almost too practically located and therefore consistently busy. Remember the blockage of the canal in 2021? That’s everyday here because if there is not a hoard of students surrounding the mirror in the doorway, there will be a TikTok dance being filmed in the small amount of walking space. With an average of 2 out of 4 working stalls, the WGL bathroom also has no stall hooks and very limited space to put a bathroom pass since the removal of the desk that was next to the sinks (RIP “Desky,” my best friend). Unless you want to be featured in the next Renegade, we would advise you to use a different bathroom. 

HONORABLE MENTION: 1200s 

As the smelly, pubescent younger sister of the 2200s, the 1200s bathroom has the same spirit, yet does not exactly display the perks its practical counterpart does. Although it has the same convenient amount of stalls, sinks, and soap dispensers, it lacks the mirror, cleanliness, and privacy of the 2200s bathroom. This highlights its faults, such as the cramped shape and the gaping, unavoidable opening into the big stall. This bathroom becomes nothing more than a room to skip your math test in and admire the malevolently entertaining etchings on the stall walls from previous cellmates. 

Design:

BEST: 1800s

Have you ever wanted to build a home in an Enloe bathroom? If so, let me introduce you to the 1800s, marvelously designed and fantastically shaped. Walking into the 1800s should be treated like an episode of MTV Cribs because of its incredible architecture. With a hall of stalls to the left and a dedicated, private enclave of the big stall to the right, the 1800s is the model home for your Enloe family with a guest house for the Broughton inlaws. With two different types of faucets, adding major style points, the only thing this bathroom leaves to improve is a slightly quieter AC system and some string lights.

WORST: 600s

As the wifi and data wilderness of Enloe High School, not only does the lack of internet in the 600s bathroom prevent you from googling Spanish vocab during a test, it also means your music won’t load to cover the sounds of Enloe Chorus’ vocal warm-ups echoing down the hallway. You’ll be wanting to “NYEH NYEH NYEH” your way out of this bathroom ASAP. With its lack of uniqueness among the towers’ conformity, the five water fountains (WAYYYY too many) out front, and the very inconsistent water pressure in the faucets turning your shirt into the splash zone, this bathroom just isn’t one we can recommend.

HONORABLE MENTION: 700s

Quieter than its mirror counterpart, the 600s, the 700s is a prime example of a bathroom glow-up. While its bones still echo the generic and repetitive design of the towers, the truest heroes of Enloe have turned it around for the better. Within the depths of the bathroom, the big stalls and a few others have been turned into masterpieces, murals to honor the true creativity sparked within the boredom of the towers’ architecture, as painted hearts and stars literally cover the stall walls. We recommend you check out this museum-worthy array.

Vibes:

BEST: 1400s

Loved by many, hated by some, the 1400s is easily the most forgotten bathroom of Enloe High School. While extremely difficult to enter during class changes among the I-1400 highway rush hour traffic, this bathroom backroom is just so peaceful, some might say liminal, once you enter this unassuming haven. Close enough to the West Gym Lobby to be accessible, but far enough away not to be busy, you can often find many a library or art student gossiping in the confines of these walls. While not a point for design, but indeed a point for vibes, the sinks in this bathroom are extremely short. “I could pee into the sink, is it a urinal??,” asked Eagle scholar P.U. “Ran” Sid in the 1400s. While this bathroom has its quirks, we think we should embrace and encourage the Enloe bathrooms for what makes them special. “My cranial constipation was resolved after my visit to the bathroom, I’d highly recommend visiting to clear your mind and your bowels,” Eagle Scholar T.P. Roll said while testing the sink hypothesis.

WORST: East Gym

The only explanation for the ghastly repulse of the East Gym bathroom must be to discourage students from skipping gym class. Although it is hard to determine between the graffitied funhouse mirrors and jarring stench of sweaty gym teenagers and hot cheetos, I must say the greatest fault of this bathroom is the complete lack of a door to enter it. The only thing between your privacy and the 1930s hallway is a baby changing station and a corner, therefore no matter how rough gym class is, skipping in the East Gym bathroom is absolutely not worth it. 

HONORABLE MENTION: 2700s 

While not as bad as the East Gym, the 2700s just had to make the list because it is the most infested Enloe bathroom in the school. You may be thinking, “Wait! Infested with what?” And unfortunately the answer to that is not cockroaches or centipedes — it’s freshmen. As the 2700s is home to all of the freshman CNC classrooms, not only do you have to share the space of nature’s call with an influx of obnoxious 14-year olds, you also have to hear them talk about how it wasn’t fair that their opposing team won the trial project because they forged their evidence. Not my ideal entertainment.

Best Enloe Bathroom (just too good for any of the lists):

2800s 

Have you ever dreamt of using a public restroom with the size and atmosphere of an airport terminal? Look no further than the echoey chamber that is the 2800s bathroom, or should I say transcendental experience, as this room pushes the boundaries of what an American bathroom truly is. Beyond the 6 total stalls and 3 sinks with accompanying soap dispensers, this bathroom has everything the typical Enloe student desires when cruising the hallways for a break: 2 massive mirrors, a functioning outlet, and best of all, a window with access to the roof of the East Building. Whether you need to simply get some fresh air or you are that desperate to get some pool practice for your swim team try out, this is the spot for you!

While your pass can rest easy on the window sill, the natural light that’s let in enhances all of the successful design choices in this bathroom. Aside from the striking size of this room, the green accent wall that frames the stalls brings a more uniquely Enloe appearance and breaks up the polka-dotted groutfit that encompasses the rest of the space. The hallway you are met with upon entrance provides the most private Enloe peeing experience for those around the corner. 

We hope you found great insight from this entirely accurate article. Not to be soapy, but if you left this article feeling flushed about your favorite bathrooms, maybe you’re part of the problem. Unclog your headspace with the plunger of these ideas. 1) Mind your potty mouth when writing on the stall walls. 2) Donate to the PTSA fund to install bidets in the bathrooms only accessible on B-days, coined “B-dets.” 3) And lastly, be respectful to Enloe’s wonderful and extremely hard-working custodial team and clean up your messes!