It’s crunch time: APUSH binders and chemistry notebooks are filled to the brim, overflowing with notes on long-forgotten topics as students rush to cram a year’s worth of content back into their heads. We all look forward to the day when we can put the pencils down and close our notebooks for the last time. But when this moment comes, what will you do with all of your old notes? Luckily, the Eagle’s Eye has some solutions.
- Give to students in lower levels
But why do this strategically when you can just throw your three-pound notebooks off the third floor of the atrium, right at 2:20 when the beating heart of Enloe High School is at its busiest? The lucky student is whoever gets hit on the head with your generational knowledge and subsequently trampled by the mass of bodies as the collective herd rushes to exit the building.
- Bonfire
Light a huge fire, large enough to rival the seething rage that occurred as you wrote all the words that you now throw into the fire. You can’t burn Enloe down, but you can burn its association. It’s not really arson, right?
- Gift to your parents when you leave for college
How could they possibly forget about you when there are countless mementos of your many all-nighters cluttering up every empty space in the house?
- Leave in your backpack for next year
Everyone knows that Enloe students are busy. Why not multitask and work out while you’re at school? A 25-pound backpack shoulder press several times a day is sure to help the progression of your bulk.
- Stuff into your pillow case
So what if you couldn’t learn the material from your notes? Just stuff them into your pillowcase, and the information is sure to seep into your brain while you sleep. Now you’ll remember it forever. This option is similar to dropping your notes on other students’ heads, but of course you’ll use the gentler method for yourself. Plus, if you’re suffering from attachment issues, this one’s for you.
- Paper mache to form new paper
You’re guaranteed to spend more time on this than you did writing the notes in the first place!
- Turn into fashion
This just in—a new addition to the Enloe dress code. It will now be mandatory to wear your creation on the first day of school next year.
- Sell on the black market
No more needs to be said, but we recommend finding a business consultant for prices first.
- Shred and turn into snow
This school year may be almost over, but it’s not too early to start thinking about the doom and gloom of the next one. Shred your notes now, and when these particles of white magic just happen to glide past the windows of the atrium in the middle of the winter slump, WCPSS will have no choice but to declare a snow day. Truly desperate Enloe students will collect the remnants and use them again a week later. How do you get to your snow-launching point? You didn’t hear about the door to the roof from us.
- Make threatening letters
You know those ransom notes, where the perpetrator cuts out each letter from a different source instead of handwriting them in order to protect their identity? Your pencil-and-paper notes might not work for this, but your endless worksheets definitely could. You never know what kind of situations you’ll encounter in the future. Just saying.
Whether it’s a new dress you can wear or a comfy addition to your sleeping arrangement, your notes can serve a purpose long after the school year is over. Even if you don’t like these suggestions, Eagles, do something with the mounds of paper you clear from the depths of your backpack. Demonstrate that those brain cells Enloe students supposedly have are real, and reduce, reuse, and recycle while you’re at it. Please. We’re begging.
Over and out,
The Eagle’s Eye
*The Eagle’s Eye can not be held responsible for any resulting damage.
