To field questions intermittently between Dr. Jordan’s monthly Coffee Talks, the Enloe administration has launched a new message forum for truth-starved parents to fact check questionable statements from their children. With the overworked Enloe admin as the moderators, and the opportunity for fellow parents to comment, the Enloe Parents Class of 2026 Subreddit has been created as a way to get answers for ANY question at ANY time.
To test this method of discourse before its official launch, a group of active Enloe parents volunteered to participate in a closed beta test.
With this preliminary trial run now finished, we asked some Eagles their thoughts on the new communication forum. “Wild. That is what I think when I see those notifications on my mom’s phone. One after the other. Gosh, the worst ones come from this user, Mysun Valley Diktorian???” said one student who has chosen to remain anonymous. “He’s relaying the craziest stuff, saying things like, ‘my son told me he’s not studying for his exams because Chat-GPT makes all of them ‘free’’ and ‘my son told me he doesn’t need to do the AP Research exam since he can just submit his Harvard summer research for credit.’ He’s also asking if it’s true that his son can be exempted from MBSA classes because they aren’t AP even though his counselor said that wasn’t okay?? Like, what?”
According to more sources, misguided questions like these aren’t a one-time occurrence either. They’re actually quite common. A freshman Enloe Eagle, who found out about the Subreddit through his friend’s mother, talked with us about this. “One of my friends’ moms, her name is Cici P. Grad, is constantly posting on the Subreddit about how to get cap and gowns for this year. And you know, I was so confused because it’s meant to be for the class of 26, right? Her kid’s a freshman. She keeps saying something about her kid already having all his graduation requirements and an associate’s degree done through Wake Tech, but her kid doesn’t even do his C&C group work. Maybe he’s just too locked into Blackboard to pull his weight?”
Some parent participants even came to us with their own testimonies upon hearing of our interest in the Subreddit. Nita Lotta Enfaux is a proud Enloe parent with two wonderful identical twin sons. She especially loves the accessibility of the new forum, telling us lots of things at Enloe aren’t fully explained, which makes it difficult for parents to understand policies when applied to their own situations. “I mean, there’s really no one at Enloe who explains what a superscore is and how it works with colleges. From the day my sons were born, I already knew one was meant for STEM and the other was going to be a best-selling author, so obviously I homeschooled them to cater to their strengths. Now that I know the SAT tests on both reading and math, I think it’s only fair to superscore each of their reading and math together for one full 1600, but there hasn’t been anyone that’s been able to give me a straight answer on how to do this.”
Questions about Enloe’s tardy policy have also flooded the forum, especially surrounding the removal of the 7:25-7:30 grace period from last year. With the change, students and parents alike are increasingly upset by the morning car constipation on the streets surrounding the Nest. However, concerns around specifically “afternoon tardies” have become an even greater point of contention for Enloe parent, Q. Westen-Mark. According to our sources, Westen-Mark most recently posed this question, “Hi parents. I am aware there is a new tardy policy. I recently picked my daughter up an hour late from carpool. I forgot. Oops. I was wondering if I would be issued a tardy by the administration for this. Please let me know where to go to collect the pass for this. Also, my child told me that because I picked her up late, she can come to first period an hour late the next day. Is that true? Please send these bylaws. I cannot find the Enloe website anywhere.”
Based on the community response to this beta test, we at The Eagle’s Eye have no doubts about the future success of this program. If you are a parent in need of help navigating the Subreddit, please contact your assigned Enloe Marshal’s phone number. This was sent to you last week in an email by Dr. Jordan. If you did not receive an email, please complete the Marshal Request Form.
