Enloe Reels from Face Shock as Mask Mandate is Removed

Facial recognition has always been a natural human characteristic. For two years, we´ve made do with an upper glimpse of someone’s face. Now suddenly, a nose, mouth, and chin are being associated with the formerly-isolated eyes and forehead we have grown accustomed to.  For months, we´ve interacted with people at school, and viewing an unexpected lower face is an experience that has proven deeply unsettling for many.

Andy Vacks, an Enloe freshman, detailed in distress to us, ¨Sometimes noses go longer than I originally thought or sometimes they stop too early! It’s like going to an entirely new school full of alternate-universe replicas of people I know, and it’s just all so- so overwhelming.¨ Andy did accept a towelette to mop his forehead for the remaining duration of his interview.

While this has been a globally-common situation, high schools present a new obstacle for the recognition-challenged student body and faculty: the appearance of beards. Thick or prepubescent, mustache or goatee, many boys left middle school for the pandemic and returned to high school with a newfound, hairy ego.

Annie Masquer, an Enloe sophomore, detailed her experience upon walking into AP World History class on Monday. ¨I kept mistaking every other boy for Mr. Shuford,” Annie explained, gesturing wildly in frustration. ¨There were simply too many beards around me. I´d always been shielded! As a matter of fact, I never found Mr. Shuford the entire third period because he was simply lost in a crowd of adolescent facial hair.¨ The increase in uncovered beards by 400% meant poor Annie must figure out how to navigate a newly-bearded world or face failing her AP exam. Stay tuned for updates about Mr. Shuford´s location (the search party will meet in the atrium at 4 pm.)

Whether you´ve been recently surprised by a nose shape, a beard, a mouth of braces, or a particularly sharp jawline (best-case scenario), the influx of lower faces exposed in Enloe High School is, as with everything pandemic-related, going to take some adjustment for us all. And if you´re continuing to wear your mask, we´ll find out what you look like eventually, you sneaky devil.