Maybe We Should Worry, Darling…


Disclaimer: This is satire!! In no way are we criticizing Harry Styles’ character or personality. We are writing as fans who are just a little off-put by his recent style choices.

Dear Mr. Styles, 

We are writing to inform you that we are staging an intervention for you. You have been a light in modern pop music, from your first booming boy band to your third chart-smashing solo album. You have brought smiles to the faces of many delusional teens over the course of the past 11 years since your debut on Britain’s Got Talent. Unfortunately, we think it’s time you get reintroduced to Simon Cowell so he can put a veto on your expanding career. 

We adore you but Harry, but we are a little freaked out. We’ve been concerned since your floral two-piece at the 2015 American Music Awards. You can’t keep getting away with this. We have let many things go ignored, but it’s time to talk about it. As you have lost your hair, your fits have lost their sparkle. We let Pilgrim Harry slide. We let Naked Harry slide. We want to treat people with kindness, but you’ve been making it difficult recently. We have grown weary from the years of holding our breath when a new photoshoot drops. Should we worry, darling? Is it going to scare us, darling? 

Speaking of darling, should we worry about Don’t Worry Darling, your premiere leading role? The film currently has a 38% on Rotten Tomatoes, and to be frank, your performance in the trailer is frightening us. The 6.3/10 ranking on IMDb is unheard of for a Chris Pine and Florence Pugh movie. You’re walking a fine line. 

Along with your hairline, our hope for your redemption arc is receding. Maybe this is a sign of the times to take a break. We’re sure you have been made aware of the balding allegations. We wonder if there is truth in those rumors. Harry, we’re worried. Your fashion choices seem to be falling down into a deep, dark, oh so lonely hole. Showing up to the Today Show in a neon candy cane bodysuit was a lapse in judgment. Your fans have a raging case of Stockholm Syndrome. Like a modern-day Paul McCartney, you have them wrapped around your finger like a cultish following. 

Harry, we beg of you. It’s not too late to redeem yourself. Some of your fits are actually cute. The Julie Albright-esque costume on the cover of Harry’s House was a good look, as well as a lot of the tight pants and t-shirt combinations. We are on your team, but it breaks our hearts to see you act a fool for a global audience. Your persona is simply not the same as it was. 


Your Concerned Fans.