Enloe’s Speaker of the House Nominees


Even though Kevin McCarthy was selected as Speaker of the House after a grueling 15 rounds, the Eagle’s Eye has a list of nominees in the case that McCarthy gets removed as a result of the newly instated rule that allows a single representative to nominate to remove a Speaker of the House.


Kevin Shuford (AP World, IB Philosophy)

There is no doubt that this nominee would bring a certain pizzazz to the House Chamber. Known for his quick wit and affinity for the whimsical, Shuford’s reign would encourage our lawmakers to ask the more profound questions of life: “Is living in a world without consequences even possible?” and “Where’s my wa-wa?”  Hearing “ERRR WRONG!” on the House floor may be startling to more senior representatives, but will certainly bring a Dionysian air back to our government.

Why would this candidate be the best option for speaker of the house?

“I already have a gavel!”


Merkenzee Wells (current Eagle Club President and informal speaker of William G. Enloe High School’s hidden Parliament) 

Merkenzee Wells is one of Enloe’s most spirited students. Frankly, we’re desperate for somebody with some passion and motivation, qualities the House is severely lacking. Under the Wells Speakership, studies estimate a 250% increase in attention from members of the House and a 100% attendance rate, due to members yearning to be in the presence of Wells. This recommendation does mean that Enloe would have to lose it’s finest Eagle scholar – a moment of pain and solemnity for the Enloe Athletics – but is sure to bring a new kind of “American Eagle Pride” to our great country.

Why would this candidate be the best option for speaker of the house?

  1. “i’m literally Merkenzee. why would you not want to have me in the house of representatives, lol”
  2. “i think of the vast majority and not one group of people” 
  3. “i’m always down for a turn up. WOOT WOOT PARTY AT THE WHITE HOUSE”


Damarion King 4 Speaker of the House

Damarion King is one of the most recognizable faces of the Enloe community, and you may soon see his face presiding over the House of Representatives. Conquering StuCo, chorus, and the ‘LoeDown, King’s only feasible drawback is his inability to leave some room for the rest of us. Truthfully, there was only a matter of time before his nomination. There’s not much to say other than: who else were you expecting?

Why would this candidate be the best option for speaker of the house?

“I’m ready to work for the American people. I’m ready to make America great, greater than it has ever been before. I am ready to be the voice for the people, work hard for the people, and represent the people.”


Dr. Hoffman (APUSH, TCT)

Dr. Joseph Hoffman is a strong candidate for the honorable position. Not only is he extremely knowledgeable – he has a PHD and is one of Enloe’s greatest history buffs – but also he has a gavel-esque tap shoe which he already uses to gather attention from his students! Hoffman would fit in easily within his new role and collect the attention of all members of the House with his extremely loud shoe. 

Why would this candidate be the best option for speaker of the house?

Dr. Hoffman is brilliant and intelligent, the perfect combination for the next Speaker of the House. In the case that Mccarthy is removed, he would unite this nation and end all polarization. 


Feehan Tuttell – Because why not?

You’ve seen him on the dating game, and soon you’ll see him and his toaster-mobile riding down Pennsylvania Avenue. Congress under Tuttell would surely be a funky time if nothing else, teaching members the value of W Rizz and the joys of spirit week. 

Why would this candidate be the best option for speaker of the house?

“I will speak with all my heart”

“For the will of the people”

“Oh wait”

“Do i actually have to make a response”


Should Kevin McCarthy’s detractors succeed in removing him later in this Congressional session, these nominees will be automatically emailed to the relevant House of Representatives authorities for their consideration.