DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A SATIRE ARTICLE
PREFACE:
Written by Chief Publisher Dee F. Ine
It’s a well-known fact that Enloe students are busy. So busy, in fact, that every second counts, every breath is wasted if not spent forming a new club or studying for five tests at once. Thus, it’s no surprise that Enloe scholars have found a way to be more efficient with their words. The immense acronyms present in Enloe’s vernacular can make the school feel exclusive, like an inside joke to the freshm- err, students, who aren’t in the know. Luckily, Eagle’s Eye writers Maya Segal and Bryan Wu are here to break the fourth wall. Feel free to carry this dictionary around with you for reference whenever the need arises.
ArtHAP: The feeling when you get to that one class that doesn’t involve solving quantum equations or annotating 300 lines of poetry in 30 seconds. “Yay, my drawing class! I’m so ArtHAP!”
CAS: Continuing Academic Support. System for Enloe alumni who worked very hard in high school to balance their creativity, activity, and service, and now require assistance to combat burnout.
COHO: Combs from Home. A nickname for the phenomena when Enloe students pull an all-nighter inside the school to complete their work in order to have time to attend the year’s big basketball game. The morning after the all-nighter, parents send care packages to their children at school, which often include necessities like combs.
DBQ: Driven Bonkers Question. Questions that are so vague, you go insane just trying to interpret them. Is this social, political, environmental, or economic? All of the above? None of them? Is it cause and effect? Continuity and change?
DECA: Demonstrated Eagle Camaraderie Association. Association responsible for planning the “mandatory fun” bonding events required for all Enloe students, like pep rallies and non-working lunches. Usually meets after school in the cafeteria.
EE: Extended Eloquence. The trait all Enloe scholars think they have. Utilization attempts are often seen in AP English classes and for certain IB assignments in hopes of impressing a teacher and getting an alright at best college recommendation letter.
FBLA: Future Ballers League of America. Great for mediocre but passionate players. Want to make money off your athletic ability? FBLA is here to convince you to become a professional sports business manager instead!
HOCO: Hot Coffee. The beverage seen in thousands of students’ hands every morning, inherently a sign of a late night spent going to sports games studying.
HOSA: Home of Scholastic Applicants; a nickname for Enloe as a whole. We all know Enloe students are fiercely driven, even to the point of competition, by academic achievement. Just look at our school sports cheer: “Our SATs are the only scores above yours! Watch out, we’ll lose for sure!”
LEQ: Little Essence Question. Question that gives you basically nothing to work with but expects five paragraphs. Good luck writing about the metal concentrations of precolonial coins for more than three sentences, let alone an entire essay.
MCQ: Mainly Crazy Questions. These questions are basically nonsense, so you might as well give up now. Expect a question about nitrous oxide on your AP European History exam.
NHS: National Homework Society. Organization serving teachers to ensure students are completing work before the NAA date. Teachers can contact TAs (Task Auditors) for on-demand inspections. For best results, teachers should employ TAs who are already familiar with common perpetrators.
SpLang: The sound of tennis balls hitting the courts. The women’s tennis team is one of the many sports offered at Enloe. They compete in the same season as the gymnasts, who are commonly seen doing SpLits (refer to the 2024 edition for the definition).
WGL: Wing Glider Lobby. The aviation station every Enloe Eagle uses to soar into the school. Be mindful of dismissal migration patterns to avoid sky traffic in the terminal.
NOTE FROM THE AUTHORS
After witnessing both students’ improved speaking abilities following the release of the 2024 edition and the lingering uncertainty on terms not covered, we knew we needed to provide our services to the Enloe student body once again. These entries cover all areas of Enloe student life, so there are no more excuses for facades of confusion. If students can read Gatsby, they can know these words. Readers, do better. We’re begging.
