Woof Woof! Biden Welcomes Newest Member of White House Family

Just in; Biden welcomed reporters into the oval office this morning for a photo op with the family’s new pet. “She’s a little rambunctious but I think this little angel will find a great home here,” the President said when asked by Eagle’s Eye reporters about the puzzling creature. 

The President refused to comment when asked where he had adopted a pet like this, though rumors have circulated that it was a prize he had won after killing God in hand-to-hand combat. Biden has since rejected these rumors and has assured the evangelical community that ¨My relationship with the man upstairs is stellar, you have nothing to fear.¨

To our surprise, the little guy can actually talk! This morning, reporters overheard the pet say “be not afraid!” before disintegrating a CNN journalist in a ray of heavenly light. “Isn’t he just the cutest little thing you’ve ever seen?” says first lady Jill Biden while she consumes the remains of a newborn child for breakfast. 

As the public patiently awaits the announcement of the new pet’s name, the Biden family is receiving a downpour of well wishes for the newest member of their family. We hope it can settle in comfortably at the white house without causing too much damage to the mortal realm.