Attention Enloe Eagles!
Coming to you this 2024-2025 school year is the highly anticipated Enloe chapter of the National Sigma Honor Society. They are inviting all competitive Sigmas to join.
Applications are accepted from November 22nd through December 21st. According to this scholarly article, Sigmas are born during Sagittarius season, therefore they only accept applications during this time frame. Please go to the SIG (Senter for Independent Gyatt) in room 1924 (the weightlifting room) on Monday, November 21, 2024, for an interest meeting. The interest meeting will cover all the necessary application requirements and give you an overview of the member duties.
To apply, candidates must demonstrate specific behaviors/actions. The National Sigma Honors Society (NSHS) values down-to-earth confidence as one of its core pillars. The NSHS defines “down-to-earth” confidence as a balance of self-respect and community service. We requested further comment from the executive board members but were met with frantic mogging because they couldn’t break their “streaks.”
Upon entering the SIG, we detected strong stenches of Axe body spray and protein powder emanating from the members of the club. However, one man stood above them all, Chad “Shred” Shredrick, who we later learned is the ultimate Sigma and founder of the National Sigma Honor Society. Remember, the members of NSHS do NOT follow a leader: they strive to play by their own rules and they simply respect superior Sigmas, which they find in Shred.
Once submitted, your application will go through extensive review by a council of the Most Elite Sigmas of All Time (MESOATs). You will go through an induction ceremony once your application has been accepted. The induction ceremony will consist of accepting the code of conduct including things like mewing at all times and daily weightlifting sessions. To finish the ceremony, new members recite “sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler” and proceed to stick out their gyatt for the rizzler. You can expect the “rizzler” to be an Instagram reel influencer with one too many Stanley cups and an authoritative tone that screams “Pick me, choose me, love me.”
Once you’re done with the induction ceremony, it’s important to review and memorize the code of conduct. As stated before, you will be required to begin your mewing “streak” and never break it. You must also sign up on Calendly at least once a week with Shred for a weightlifting session. This will count towards the ten hours of volunteering hours required by the NSHS and can be transferred to organizations with eligibility.
However, there are some additional stipulations. Every school day before first period, it is required for all members to mew once to the Ultimate Sigma to signify the start of their day. Being caught breaking your “streak” will result in a strike, and if caught breaking it in a meeting, that will result in two strikes. After three strikes you will be demoted to beta, ensuring your eternal suffering or trying journey through an extensive rehab process. Among other things, the rehab mainly consists of mewing practice, Sigma etiquette classes, and being fit-checked by a Stanley Cup influencer. The etiquette classes include the reteaching of the valuable skill of “down-to-earth confidence.” This course will be taught by an alpha hired by the Ultimate Sigma because he doesn’t have time.
“We don’t like to use the rehab process cuz it doesn’t really showcase our down-to-earth confidence, but we tryna keep our community pure and close-knit,” commented Shred.
For application help, please see the Ultimate Sigma or an executive board member. We cannot promise any help as they are all on mogging streaks, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
Additional resources:
https://medium.com/social-media-writings/being-toxic-for-dummies-19ce64409626
https://www.happierhuman.com/sigma-male/
https://www.wikihow.com/Sigma-Male
https://www.wikihow.com/Sigma-Male-Test → practice application to ensure you are NOT a beta
For further questions/concerns, please contact [email protected].
