This is a work of satire. This piece reflects the opinions of the writer, not necessarily those of The Eagle’s Eye or WCPSS.
No. More. Satire.
The world is bad. Everybody can acknowledge that the world is bad. The Earth somehow seems to simultaneously burn and flood. People are once again scared to leave their houses, and this time it’s not because of a contagious disease spreading across the globe. Though COVID-19 isn’t taking over the world anymore, AI certainly seems to be (for proof, look to the SuperBowl commercials). And students’ access to knowledge is blocked with a host of prohibition signs (thanks, WCPSS).
This is the world we live in. There is absolutely, positively nothing we can do about it, so it’s high time to just accept the despair. Satire, on the other hand, resists this sentiment. It works against our reality, and thus no longer serves a beneficial purpose. We need to ban satire.
To survive, we as a population need to be mentally strong, and contorting the cold, hard news for purposes of entertainment makes us weak. We need to accept our fate, an impossible task if we tremble in fear at just the thought of looking current events in the face. Not only is satire escapist, but it’s constantly disappointing. Satire makes light of heavy situations and coats the world in glitter. When the joke eventually ends, the present day just seems that much worse in contrast. The world lets us down enough; why subject yourself to more disappointment?
Satire gives people a platform to present their own opinions. But it’s clear that diversity is no longer valued, and uniformity is on its way in. Everyone needs to think the same thoughts and have the same perspectives, which should of course be widely uncritical. Satire, however, allows people to indulge their negative feelings and publicly air their grievances against powerful figures. Research even shows that satire can be more damaging to a person’s reputation than straight criticism. Obviously, powerful people in need of being rebuked should have the lightest “punishment” possible, as we wouldn’t want to actually bring them any harm. These older adults just need to learn their lesson so they don’t behave wrongfully again. Until next week. Or tomorrow. By encouraging individualism and condemnation, satire directly contrasts the country’s strong principle of restrictive speech, and, accordingly, should no longer be permitted.
Worse, satire makes people laugh. Laughing takes energy, and we, as citizens of the world, need to conserve every ounce of our strength to focus on preserving our meager existence on this floating rock. High schoolers are quick to complain that they’re tired, but they don’t realize the obvious solution—stop laughing. The point of living is to put your head down and work, and banishing laughter would serve this purpose by making the population much more productive. Laughter is contagious, too. The recent raids on joy have made it clear that we are meant to live in a constant state of demoralization; it’s intentional. A complete ban on satire would help prevent an outbreak of pleasure from occurring.
Ultimately, satire forces you to think. The art form pokes fun at something, and it’s up to the audience to uncover that deeper message. Yet that involves work, which practically nobody wants to do anymore. And some people simply don’t seem to possess the intellect to understand the point satire is trying to convey. Just like in war, nobody should get left behind. If satire is too advanced for part of the population to grasp, nobody should get access to it. Banning satire is proof that the country does stand for equality.
Not only does satire make use of despised critical thinking skills, but it is predominantly produced by humans. Thus, reading satire is a form of appreciation for human creation. But why support such activities when you can lie in bed for hours watching AI-generated videos of soft-serve ice cream morphing into a litter of puppies?
By the time you realize that satire is a gateway drug to real journalism, it’s far too late. We all know that addiction is destructive, and an addiction to being informed is no different. In today’s world, misinformation is free to run rampant, and encouraging news literacy in the present day and for the future undermines this precedent. Banning satire is an effective way to keep people unaware of national and world issues, reducing the pesky component of democracy known as public opinion.
Enloe, it’s time to give up. Satire fights everything this country is moving towards, which is inherently grounds for its removal. I’m so tired of satire; are you?
