Attention Enloe Eagle Scholars,

As of April 1, 2024, Enloe will be instating a new policy.

Starting April 1st, Enloe High School will begin enforcing the new mewing policy. For those unaware, mewing is a recently discovered health measure that ensures improved physical health and a chiseled jawline. To mew, all you need to do is place your tongue on the roof of your mouth and keep it there. Leading scientists at the CDC have found that you can see incredible results after just days of mewing. Going forward, all students and teachers will be expected to mew.

This comprehensive plan aims to improve students’ and faculty’s health and well-being. It is imperative that students have a distraction-free environment, one filled with chiseled chins. This creates newfound equality, as everyone will have the best face they can, actively combating bullying.

Mewing brings a benefit for teachers as well, as students cannot talk and mew at the same time. The mewing time will cut down on the chit chat, increase the looksmaxxing, and create more time for instruction.

The policy is straightforward. When not answering questions or engaged in class discussion, students are expected to be mewing. During lunchtime, students are expected to continue mewing unless actively putting food in their mouth. Teachers are also expected to be mewing unless giving a lecture or general instruction.

To incentivize students to put their best jawline forward in the new policy, Enloe faculty will be rewarding students with the longest mewing streaks (not counting the above exceptions). To do this, teachers will need to record when students are mewing along with mewing themselves, taking attendance, and teaching. This log will be submitted at the end of each month, at which point the students who were not noted breaking their streak will be rewarded. These rewards include a Costco family-sized bag of candy, a $20 Cookout gift card, or $20 to spend on Brawl Stars (any other usage of said money is prohibited).

We hope that everyone will cooperate with the new mewing policy and see the obvious benefits it has. For all inquiries, please refer to the newly formed Enloe Mewing Department, located on the roof of the east building, next to the pool.

The Enloe Eagles