Name Brand v. Knockoff: Why I Always Choose Generic

Name Brand v. Knockoff: Why I Always Choose Generic


The debate has gone on for decades. Do I buy the overpriced, full of itself name brand or go for good ol’ generic? As an Aldi and Food Lion regular, I have a special place in my heart for the store-brand products that these wonderful grocery stores hold. How can you go wrong with a bottle of Dr. Perky, or a box of Savoritz? Personally, I don’t trust anybody who doesn’t want to end their day with a nice bowl of Cinnamon Crunch Squares. I don’t believe this should be a debate because in my opinion, knockoffs are always going to be better than name brand. Here are a few examples:


Savoritz Cheese Baked Crackers v. Cheez-Its

Ahh, Savoritz. The cheese-based snack food that never fails to brighten a day. My mouth is already watering even as I look up from my laptop to see the half-full bag of Savoritz on the counter. Savoritz in general just gives off a warm feel, like having lunch at Grandma’s. Cheez-its, on the other hand, are dull and unexpressive. Even if we look at the names, it is automatically guaranteed that you will enjoy Savoritz. You savor every bite! With Cheez-itz, there is no clue. It could be terrible, for all you know! Let’s talk about taste. Of course, taste will be affected by how you view the food as a whole, but as you can probably tell, I have absolutely zero bias on either one of these products. The flavor of a cheez-it is artificial and I don’t want to support more plastic production. In the few times where I have eaten cheez-its, I just don’t understand how people go wild for these crackers. In my opinion, they are bland and close textured. Alternatively, when I chomp on some Savoritz crackers, my astral form separates from my earthly shackles and I begin to have an out-of-body experience. With the texture being light, but still robust, and the flavor being a beautiful combination of zest and brine, the result is heaven in a square-shaped cheese cracker. 


Dr. Perky v. Dr. Pepper

 I don’t drink soda often, so I have much higher expectations for the carbonated sugar water that is swallowed by millions of people, daily; Nevertheless, I can say that everytime I walk through the automatic doors of Food Lion, my eyes immediately go to the ravishing Dr. Perky on aisle 6. Whether you are having a party, or just having a chill day at home, Dr. Perky always hits the spot. Its nemesis Dr. Pepper is alright, but it doesn’t produce the same emotional effect that Dr. Perky does and is all around less bodacious. When I drink Dr. Pepper, I am never shocked. There is no wow factor. Honestly, water is more interesting than Dr. Pepper. On the other hand, every time I gulp down a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Perky, a sudden gust of wind blows through my hair, leaving me exhilarated. Dr. Perky is nature in a bottle and anyone who gargles with it becomes one with Mother Nature. You never experience this with Dr. Pepper. Now, let’s compare prices. You can buy a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Perky for 69 cents, while Dr. Pepper goes for a whopping $1.99! That means if you choose to buy Dr. Perky, you will have enough money left over to purchase another 2 liter bottle of Dr. Perky’s best friend, Mountain Lion. The taste of Dr. Pepper is okay, but again, it’s nothing out of this world. On the contrary, when I drink Dr. Perky, my taste buds are so pleased that they jump up and down in a rhythmic dance on my tongue! Dr. Perky is sweet, bubbly, and refreshing, while Dr. Pepper’s flavor compels me to want to buy more Dr. Perky. Dr. Perky, in my book, is the sure winner.


Lucky Charms v. Marshmallows and Stars

For all you cereal lovers, you know how important it is to pick the right one. A very versatile, classic cereal that people of all ages enjoy is the infamous Lucky Charms by General Mills. You know what I think is lucky? Finding an alternative to General Mills called Millville. And guess what? They have a far superior version of Lucky Charms called Marshmallows and Stars. The mascot on the box is much older and wiser, and as you know, we should always listen to our elders. Notice that when you make the switch from Lucky Charms to Marshmallows and Stars, you get an upgrade from a silly leprechaun to an enlightened wizard. I’ve always been more attracted to alchemy than luck, anyway. Everyone knows what is so attractive about these cereals. It’s the marshmallows! Another reason why I love this knockoff is because Millville is bold enough to mention the best part in the name. It’s also the emotional effect that the cereal has on me. When I eat Lucky Charms, I don’t feel like a leprechaun. But when I devour my entire box of Marshmallows and Stars in one sitting, while staring at myself in the mirror, I watch myself slowly morph into a wizard, with every bowl I eat. I take out my wand and begin to mutter incantations  that I have never heard in my life. It is truly an auspicious moment. But with Lucky Charms, I’m just watching myself stuff my face with bowls and bowls of mush. The texture and taste of both cereals are relatively alike with satisfyingly crunchy kibble and hard, sugary globs of marshmallow, both having a pleasant flavor. Though, after comparing the designs on the boxes, I could never go back to Lucky Charms. 


If you want to save money and have an all around better experience inhaling your favorite foods, make the switch to generic. You won’t be disappointed.