Hey girl-queen! High school can be totally difficult and harsh sometimes. But don’t fret, little eagle, we’ve got what you need to know to not just survive, but avoid all possible adolescent embarrassment.

1. Transitions

• The right side of the hallway is totes the place to be!!

Who knew, but going with the grain instead of against it is the best preventative measure to avoid stumbling in the hallway, or worse, getting stuck and looking dumb and stupid like a loser. Go you!

• Take your private conversations into a room and not the center of the atrium.

Airing out your dirty laundry in front of everyone is so NOT the move for you, bestie, so maybe save all the hugs, screaming and gossip for a less public time and place.

• Get to stepping. 

That’s it. Just, like, walk. It’s this thing where you pick one foot up, and then another, and then the first again, and then you’re put in motion and you don’t need to worry about being yelled at in the early hours of the morning!!

2. Carpool, Busses, and Parking

• It is NOT fashionable to get dropped off in another student’s parking space.

Look, girl-queen, if you must make an entrance, make one on the side of the street, or by the auditorium, or in the carpool loop. No offense, babes, but you look like a total idiot scrambling out of your mom’s car while Stacy from your third period waits for you to give her back her own spot.

• If you’re not using the zipper method to leave the carpool lot, respectfully, you’re not the vibe!! 

There is an order in the same way there is a social order, and if you choose to defy that, especially for your own selfish agenda, you are totes messing with our social balance. Nobody likes a rebel.

3. Classes

• Oof, Awkward!! Somebody corrected the teacher again…

Look, it’s completely understandable to believe that you’re better than everyone– I know I do! But, honestly, that’s something you should maybe definitely keep to yourself, because no one cares that much about the nuances of what some boring 19th century author did in their dumb little town on some random Tuesday. 

• If I can hear your lunch, it’s not time to munch, bestie.

Your chip bags are not discrete, your chewing is annoying, and the crumbs are going to send me over the edge. Don’t take this personally, little eagle, but maybe choose a time and place that is not in the middle of a lecture, or a quiz, or a discussion, or any moment when I can already barely think over your breathing. 

One day, the time will come when you are on the brink of total social disaster, and no one as generous as me will be around to save you, and you will remember this advice, little eagle, and you will soar. And if you do mess up, no worries, because no one is looking at you!! They’re looking at me!

Live, laugh, love, girly-pop,

Bestie Jess <3