Could You Live Off of Pumpkin Spice?


Disclaimer: This is not meant to be taken seriously. Please do not consume ridiculous amounts of pumpkin spice products.
It’s that time of year again. The leaves are falling, the weather is cooling, the pumpkins are spicing, and it’s time for warm, cozy flavors to appear in every dish. But some people are cranky, un-seasonal, un-festive individuals that would prefer to argue that the spice is nasty. It’s time to free ourselves from the stigma associated with the inability to go a day without a pumpkin spice latte and tackle the great debate over the most addictive flavors of the year.
In the year 2001, chemist Peter Dukes from Stanford conjured up a new flavor combination that would rock the nation. Making its debut in Starbucks in 2003, the Pumpkin Spice Latte has been an autumn staple ever since. But there have been countless debates over whether it’s actually a good flavor or not.
“If something that’s a drink is going to be pumpkin spice, I’d rather just have chai. It’s so much better,” confesses Nora Gillett, incorrectly. It’s clear that some people aren’t educated on the topic. “I am horrified, angry, in pain, grieving, anxious, nervous, enraged, disgusted, nauseated, fuming, and appalled at people who don’t like pumpkin spice,” Akshat Yadav expresses. There are many extreme views about pumpkin spice, and these feelings are fostering a rupture in our communities that might not be able to be mended if we don’t come to a consensus. All I can do is present the facts, and you must decide for yourself.
Firstly, pumpkin spice could be seen as a nutritional staple, like bread and water. Just one cup of canned pumpkin contains 137 calories, which is about 7% of the calories you need in a day. But on top of that, pumpkin has a lot of vitamins and minerals, including substantial amounts of Vitamins A, K, and E, as well as copper. It even has 3 grams of protein, so maybe consider adding it to your pre-workout snack. And that’s just the pumpkin part! The spices in a standard pumpkin spice seasoning include ginger, cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg, which are all anti-inflammatory ingredients and have other medicinal properties. Hypothetically, if you added in some baseline foods, like bread and water, you could absolutely live off of pumpkin spice products alone, not to mention the energy you’ll get from the amounts of high fructose corn syrup in most pumpkin snacks and foods. I’m not telling you what to think, but it’s clear what the right opinion is. The fight has been won.
“I think they should get over it and just wait for peppermint flavors to come out,” Louis Huler suggests with indifference. There is a chance that he’s right, that we should stop all of this needless arguing in favor of the superior peppermint flavors of winter. It is November after all, and the pumpkin spice season will soon come to a close. But until then, people can have their opinions about pumpkin spice, no matter what they are. Even if they’ve chosen the wrong side.