Surviving Valentine’s Day at Enloe High School (2023 Edition)


Y’all really liked last year’s guide and seemed to take some advice from us, so here’s an updated 2023 version! This guide has even more advice your lonely, single-as-a-pringle self could use this love season!

  1. Purchase a copy of the Jacob Clifford Macroeconomics Ultimate Review Packet. Even if you don’t have an A-grade rizz, make sure you’re making an A in at least one aspect of your life. 
  2. Get yourself a ticket to Paris on Delta Airlines (DL 230). This nonstop service from Wake County’s very own Raleigh-Durham International Airport departs the day before Valentine’s Day and will take you from the sad, lonely state of North Carolina to the city of romance. If you can not pull someone at Enloe, just leave. Maybe you will have someone to accompany you on V-day in France if not the United States. 
  3. Enjoy some high-quality Enloe instagram account content. Go to Enloe Memes and Enloe Affirmations on Instagram and like their “I am against PDA” or “I do not feel isolated and lonely this Valentine’s Day” posts, just to help your single, lonely self feel better on the holiday of love. 
  4. Comment “wake up and break up” and “babe WHO IS THIS???” on random couple’s posts. There is nothing more heartless than causing relationships to crumble because of one’s jealousy. While the Eagle’s Eye does not condone this approach to the day of love, you have free will…
  5. Keep up your Duolingo streak. Learn a few romantic phrases, such as “odio mi vida” in Spanish or “Je n’ai pas de compagnons romantiques” in French, to possibly pull a significant other. Otherwise, the last thing you’re going to worry about this Valentine’s Day is your lack of love. As we all know, the vicious and violent Duolingo Bird is the only aviary animal to contend with Eddie the Eagle. We at the Eagle’s Eye would not mess with Duo…neither should you!